A dolphin’s butchered corpse was discovered on a New Jersey beach last week, so, naturally, the internet is now exploding with jokes about flop presidential candidate and MAGA convert Robert F. Kennedy Jr. being the culprit.
If you recall, Kennedy’s dismal political campaign was basically just a long string of scandals, with several involving dead and mutilated animals. First he was accused of eating a dog. Then he admitted that in 2014 he’d dumped a bear cub carcass in Central Park. At one point, he bragged about having a freezer full of roadkill in his house. Then, in August, he was federally investigated after it came to light that he’d cut a whale’s head off with a chainsaw. Understandably, the recent appearance of a dead, mangled animal has the internet turning an accusatory eye to the Kennedy scion.
The Marine Mammal Stranding Center, a Jersey-based non-profit dedicated to the rescue, rehabilitation, and release of distressed local marine mammals and turtles, said in a press release Friday that a dolphin’s “butchered” body had been discovered on a beach in Allenhurst, New Jersey.
“The animal’s flesh had been completely removed with clean cuts from a sharp instrument, leaving only the head, dorsal fin and flukes,” a statement reads. “The animal’s organs, except for the heart and lungs, had been removed.”
The night before the animal was discovered, a live dolphin was spotted in the surf not far away, MMSC said, while noting that it’s unclear whether this was the same animal. The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration Office of Law Enforcement is now investigating the death, the MMSC said.
Those wondering about the Jack-the-Ripper-type maniac who stole the aquatic mammal’s innards wasted no time in pointing the finger (if only jokingly) at RFK. Yes, the tweets so far have been good: “Aw shit I didn’t realize RFK came to town,” said one smart-ass on X. Another person, who also shared the story on the platform, said: “I’m guessing RFK Fr. sorted an alibi already.” Yet another poster quipped that Trump had officially “lost the dolphin vote.”
There’s a non-zero chance that this was RFK doing a dolphin sacrifice ahead of the election pic.twitter.com/qL1roCqzMp
— Fifty Shades of Whey (@davenewworld_2) November 5, 2024
To our knowledge, Kennedy had nothing to do with the dolphin’s death, though it would be great if he issued an alibi for Friday night so we know for sure.
Overall, the MAGA-verse doesn’t have a great track record when it comes to animal welfare. Sure, for the past week, rightwing influencers have been expressing outrage over the euthanization of a New York squirrel, but the primary reason for their anger seems to be government overreach, not a woodland creature’s well-being. No, for the most part, Trump’s allies seem to be hounded by strange allegations involving animals.
Case in point: Kevin Roberts, the president of the Heritage Foundation (and, thus, one of the key proponents of the dystopian Project 2025) was accused of bragging about killing a dog with a shovel (Roberts has denied this). In an upcoming book, Roberts also apparently complained that the existence of dog parks was an example of the creep of “antifamily culture.” JD Vance, Trump’s running mate, has also been accused (mostly jokingly) of liking dolphin porn.
Of course, there’s more at stake for the animal kingdom this election than dog parks and dolphin porn. Trump, whose first administration was not known for being particularly environmentally friendly, has allies who have advocated for the gutting of the Endangered Species Act. They also want to open up long-protected national parks for mining and federal lands for urban development. It’s unlikely that the natural world will benefit much if he gets into office again.
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